you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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