That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
