The maid of honor just puked.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
