I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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