yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
