She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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