i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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