the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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