I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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