my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
