Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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