i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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