Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
