i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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