had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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