i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
