Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
