dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
