nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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