a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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