just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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