It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
