she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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