Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
