I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
