There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
