OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
me + whiskey = a bad person
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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