After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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