He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
