am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
accomplished twins. life is a go
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
