As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
