Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
