i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
