A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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