Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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