now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
