I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
