do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
