did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
