he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dick very happy bro
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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