i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
