I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
