Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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