i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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