Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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