Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
