I must be too annoying 4 u.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
