he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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