Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
