I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
