I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Don't make out with my wife yet
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
