also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
